London - It’s time for a vacation, and Craig Brown just can’t decide which kind to go for after skimming through the latest glossary of holiday terms.
Okaytion: Holiday that is neither good nor bad, just a bit average. “The weather was slightly overcast, the hotel was only so-so, and the staff were not unpleasant. We found one or two restaurants where the food was warm-ish and quite tasty. All in all, it was one of those Okaytions you’ll never forget for at least six weeks.”
Overstaycation: When an individual, couple or family have been invited to stay with friends but then decide to stay a little bit longer without ever making it quite clear when they are planning to leave.
“James and Laura and their kids arrived on the Friday and were still with us on the Monday. It was only when they were still there on the Wednesday that it suddenly struck me they were planning on an overstaycation. We finally got rid of them the following Friday, but only after we said there was a poisonous snake loose in the house.”
Paycation: Holiday spent with friends who prove terribly forgetful when it comes to their cash and credit cards. “How stupid of me, I’ve just filled up the tank with petrol but stupidly I left my Visa card in the other jacket. You wouldn’t mind..?”
Playcation: A stay with friends who can only relax by playing endless games with rules you can never quite understand.
“Okay, everyone think of a famous film or book. Now the first person has to cover their eyes, and the second has to leave the room, and the third has to write the initials of the film or book on a card and paste it to his or her forehead.
“Then the fourth person has to tell the second person to come back into the room and pick a card and if it’s a club or a diamond, the first person has to guess what film or book the first person has chosen, and the fifth person has to act it out, wearing a hat chosen by the third person. I promise you it’s really incredibly simple once you know how.”
Praycation: Religious retreat, often in a monastery, temple, convent or similar. “Last year in the South of France, we kept being accosted by Richard Dawkins and A. C. Grayling, so this year we’re going on a Praycation, just to be sure.”
Sickbaycation: Summer break spent largely in bed, after catching a bug in the plane on the way over.
Snakation: Holiday booked in hot, sunny part of a foreign country which turns out to be home to 12 different species of poisonous snake. “Sadly our snakation this year was largely spent standing on chairs, screaming.”
Splaycation: Opportunity to loaf about in the sun with your arms and legs wide open. ‘”spotted Jeremy Clarkson by the swimming pool. I’m sorry, but that’s the last splaycation I’m ever going on.”
Swaycation: Fortnight abroad spent knocking back ouzo, Pernod and/or grappa in the local tavern before staggering back to the hotel wondering where you left your key. ‘For my swaycation this summer I’m planning to go to Morretolinos... Torremolinslosh... Linatorremolish — oh, anyway, somewhere in Spain. Actually, they do a very decent house red.’
Takation: Perfect holiday for replenishing your dwindling stocks of small bars of soap, body lotions, shampoo, conditioner, cotton buds and in-flight magazines. “We had such a successful takation this year that we had to pay an extra £40 in excess baggage.”
Traycation: Holiday in a hotel with a self-service buffet. ‘I would have enjoyed our traycation, but I kept having to go all the way back because I’d forgotten my knife and fork.’
Towawaycation: Weekend break in a five-star hotel in a glamorous foreign city interrupted by the realisation that your improperly parked car has been towed away and taken to a pound on the outskirts of the outskirts, which is now closed until Tuesday.
Unsaycation: It’s all going well, and then at lunchtime on the fifth day you say something uncalled for, and your partner responds in kind, then one thing leads to another and before the bill comes you’re both glaring at each other and wondering how, now that you’ve said what you shouldn’t, you’ll ever be able to get through the rest of the unsaycation.
Vaguecation: Barely planned break, involving lack of preparation. “I’m half-thinking of taking a vaguecation this year. First, I’m going to flick through various brochures with nothing much in mind, then I’m going to put the words ‘sun’ and ‘water’ into Google, and then I might think of asking someone to go with me. As to when I’m going to take my vaguecation, well, I’m leaving it open. Just in case.”
Weighcation: Holiday spent having one too many ice-creams then leaping onto the scales and groaning at the amount of weight you’ve put on.
Daily Mail