Dear Son
This lockdown period has given us so much time for reflection. Everything slowed down. We spent time together and got to know each other as a family again.
You are an adult now – where has the time gone?
I didn’t even have the opportunity to have the talk with you… not that talk! I’ll leave that to your mother.
You have so much to offer the world that I feel I need to maybe offer a little guidance to make you realise the vital role young men play.
We should see the period after Covid-19 as a time of renewal and regrowth. I think there is much that our gender needs to be embarrassed and ashamed about in the past. I think the worst was that so many of my generation’s heroes were perverts.
It is easy for us to say that it was not me or I did not know – but that’s the easy way out, son.
When your friends make disparaging remarks about women or girls – ask them how they would feel if someone said that to their mother, daughter or sister.
That should be a wake-up call.
Take a stand. Make a difference. You owe it to the legacy set by your great-grandfathers, your grandfathers, your uncles and your father.
Yes, we have been grumpy at times, frustrated and even angry. But not once did any of us raise our hands against any woman in our family.
Never! One reason is probably that we were terrified of the backlash from our wives but the main reason is that we always saw our female family members as our equals, our friends and our partners.
Is that not a wonderful legacy to pass on to your sons and grandsons?
Another legacy that your forebears instilled in my brothers and I is respect. The greatest legacy that I inherited from my dad was respect.
If you can respect every person you come into contact with, treat them as a human being, then there will be no place for racism and bigotry. Learn their names, greet them, even if it’s just a smile. Say please and thank you.
If there’s one thing this time together has strengthened in me it is the value and importance of family. We will always be there for each other. So if you go out and have a few drinks, don’t drive. Phone me at whatever time and I will pick you up.
The worst that can happen is that I will be irritated and angry but that will pass in a few days. However, driving under the influence can lead to serious consequences. This applies to any difficulty you may find yourself in. Always ask for help. That is what fathers are there for.
Build your own legacy, my boy, as a dentist. Be charitable and keep your feet on the ground.
The foundations have been set by your ancestors – a great-grandfather who was a founder member of the Teachers Association of SA, the other a president of the Andhra Maha Sabha, a grandfather who is a retired principal, the other was a prominent businessman and a priest, and finally a dad… well, I’ll do something soon.
From your mother, sisters and I – you have already made us proud. Now it is time for you to soar and remember that no matter how much you try and hide it or lie about it, your father always knows.
(Koobeshen Naidoo is an actor and comedian)