Henry Bantjez
This new year, as every year, you may have made resolutions to improve your health, financial and social status. After the abundance of Christmas food and holiday booze, you will (once again) rethink your indulgences and perhaps even seek out (or think about) new hobbies, jobs or relationships.
You want something in exchange (like money or a better body), so you may expect the gifts for just thinking about it (you know who you are) or you will put plans into action for tangible results. But the tradition of new year resolutions is far older than the establishment of the Christian festival.
Ancient Egyptians would make sacrifices to Hapi, the god of the Nile, at the beginning of their year in July, a time when the Nile’s annual flood would usher in a particularly fertile period. In return for sacrifice and worship, they might request good fortune, rich harvests and military successes. What will be your sacrifice?
Seek balance this year and know that only you can depend on yourself for change. Be your own hero. When your mind is unbalanced, so is your body. When your mind is inflamed with anger, hostility, depression, anxiety, judgement, resentment, guilt and shame, your body becomes inflamed.
When your mind is at peace, your body, so to say, relaxes and heals because the mind is quiet. Your cell repair mechanisms work over time. This means that knowing this (awareness) and something as simple as a healthy attitude toward life can keep you healthy this year.
If you have gone through any kind of loss and grief, know that pain can push you. But it can also force you into a vision that is bigger than pain. Once you have that vision, you will walk in the direction of your purpose, instead of being stuck. Losses are there to wake you up.
I have learnt to appreciate living in the moment. And I ask that you do the same. Do this one thing. Make it a resolution. Keep a gratitude journal. Every day, list five things you are grateful for. That is how you cultivate your mindfulness. You are reframing your thoughts. You are teaching your brain to re-experience joy.
And if you are seeking the meaning of life amid your resolutions, the question is not to know what the meaning of life is but what meaning you can give to your life. To lead your life with meaning, you need to cherish others, pay attention to your values and cultivate inner peace.
Happiness is a spiritual practice and it requires work. It is like a muscle. It grows when you nurture it and start by taking care of yourself and unapologetically being you by not looking past your own needs. This is what I call positive selfishness because as the saying goes, you can’t take care of anybody if you can’t take care of yourself.
Embracing happiness and being useful can be the progressive realisation of your worthy goals. These are the things that bring you joy. If making heaps of cash is a goal, then it will not make you happy. But if the money will make a demonstrative difference in your life and help others, the goal becomes worthy, cultivating compassion, another ingredient for happiness.
And so, you need to grow and evolve. Be the change. If you want love, be loving. If you want peace, be peaceful. If you want quiet, be quiet.
One of the most challenging paths to your resolutions may be around love. Love needs work but when you get it right, you fall but it is a good fall, because you fall in love, and you don’t get up again. The best lying down you can imagine. This is how you fall in love. Over and over again. With the same person. Observe. Listen. Learn. Show compassion. Respect. Hold each other as if it were your last day on Earth.
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive, and neither can your relationship. A sense of concern for others, and in this context, our life partners, gives our lives meaning. It is the root of all human happiness. But judgment holds us back.
Perhaps just learn to let go a bit. Accept that your partner has different needs than yours (this is applicable to family and friends). Embrace them. Understand them. Give them shapes. Hold them in your hands. Feel them. But also don’t be so harsh on yourself. Express your needs.
And here is my final advice for cultivating your awareness in the new year. Think before you act. Try to understand why people react the way they do before you judge and respond with negativity. Practice positive selfishness. Spoil yourself. You deserve it. Believe it. Move away from people who drain your energy. Surround yourself with positive people. If you are unsure of someone in your relationship, ask yourself: Do they build me up or break me down? Then make a call.
Be present in every situation. Show appreciation and accept compliments. Take care of your body like there is no tomorrow, exercise and eat healthily. Ask for help if you need it. Sing from the core of your stomach. Do not allow any person to break or dampen your spirit. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh.
Author Stephen King writes: “You can’t deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favourite chair and stays as long as it wants” – and so will happiness. When you find it, hold onto it and don’t let go. Share it because you have found meaning in your new year’s resolutions.
Happy New Year!
Henry Bantjez is a behavioural psychology expert and publishes regularly on wellness topics
The Star