By Dominic Gaobepe
Tony Dungy in his book Uncommon defined integrity as “The choice between what is convenient and what’s right”.
In the past few months, I have observed with a heavy heart as several scandals have been splashed across our media and social media of men that have been unfaithful to their wives and the very public fallout that has resulted.
Their families, children, careers and personal reputations have been drawn into the arena of public scrutiny and opinion, with tweets and comments storming and swarming like sharks in a frenzy as they encircle their prey.
Entire families being torn apart by these private events which have become public.
While it is tempting to cast stones, my heavy heart comes with the compassion and humility of understanding that I can and could have easily have been one of those men.
My growth in the past few years through being spiritually rooted, learning to prioritise that which is most valuable to me and being blessed with a wife that saw in me and treated me better than I saw myself was my saving grace from the indiscretions that could have easily cost me my marriage.
We live in a culture that encourages us to build ourselves up as personal brands, and therefore, calls us to expose ourselves to the public.
While we are all entitled to our privacy; we must never fool ourselves in believing that what we do in private is nobody’s business, because it is a universal law that what we do in the dark will always be brought to the light.
As I have reflected on these stories of public figures falling from grace, I was inspired by a teaching of the late Dr Myles Munroe that was titled “The Power of Integrity”.
He shared in that teaching that every person (leader) who has ever failed in life has been brought down by one of three things:
◆ Power
◆ Money and/or
◆ Access to Sex
In all the cases that have been laid bare in public – from Minister Malusi Gigaba to DJ Black Coffee, Dr David Molapo to the young brother Katlego Maboe – the destruction of their marriages along with a deep hurt for all those they love have been impacted by one or all of the three things above.
Character and integrity are the only things that will protect your legacy.
We need to be men of character, which is to say that we must:
◆ Commit ourselves to a set of values without compromise.
◆ Set a standard against which we will conduct ourselves without wavering.
◆ Impose discipline upon ourselves for the sake of our moral convictions.
The irony is that while discipline may feel restrictive, it is actually when we do what is right – when we hold ourselves to a higher standard – that we experience true happiness and peace.
I have established that I value my spirituality, I value my character, I value my marriage, I value my son and I value the work that I do … in that order. I thus endeavour to lead a life that reflects and is consistent with what I value.
I challenge black men to establish their values and be unwavering in protecting them. Do what is right.Our children and children’s children cannot afford to have weak role models.
We need to stand strong and be upright men of character and integrity in all our ways. If we do not have our houses in order, we have no footing to combat the generational poverty and disenfranchisement that our people find themselves under.
Dominic Gaobepe is a partner at Cohesion Collective.
The Star