As Valentine's Day approaches, hearts flutter with the anticipation of romance and the sweet promise of cherished moments shared. It's a day where expectations soar, as whispers of love and tokens of affection fill the air.
Whether it’s a first date or a golden anniversary, February 14th holds the promise of strengthened bonds and sparks of passion.
Yet, beneath the layers of this holiday's commercial sheen lies something deeper, something far more enduring: the yearning for true connection and companionship.
In this article, we'll delve into those emotional undercurrents that tide us over beyond the 14th of February with Scott Savage, a pastor and author who helps people laugh, challenges them to think, and invites them to grow.
He explores the beauty of authentic connections, shares insights on nurturing a bond that withstands the weight of expectations and celebrates love in its purest form.
During February, there’s a lot of attention around love and the state of our intimate relationships.
“I've made my fair share of relationship mistakes in every arena of my life and I've learned a lot from those mistakes”, highlighted Savage.
Zero conflict is a sign of an untested or unhealthy relationship.
In my work as a pastor, I’ve heard so many couples say “We're just so healthy – we never fight!” Constant conflict can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship, but so can zero conflict. When conflict is non-existent, trust is often missing.
You have to have to ask the right questions to determine if you have enough trust to engage in healthy conflict.
Apologise without excuse or explanation.
Apologies are so easy to tank or undermine. Excuses, blaming, ifs, explaining, and justifying – stop all of it!
We’ve all been on the other side of a bad apology, where the person thought they were making it better but they made it much worse. The shorter, the simpler, the clearer apology – the better!
No one is over-encouraged.
We tend to assume that people hear encouragement from other people. But, I've never met someone who is over-encouraged. Encouragement can radically change us and our relationships.
So, if you’re in an unhealthy relationship, what if you looked for an area where you could begin to genuinely encourage the other person?
Feeling empty? I’ve found that encouraging others in seasons when I feel depleted can help fill me back up at the same time!
Talk to people, not about people.
Gossip is so easy in a social-media and smartphone-driven world. It’s so much easier to talk ABOUT people than it is to talk to people.
Going out and talking with friends about a problem with someone at work is way easier than walking down the hall at work and talking to that person directly.
This is why Proverbs 20:19 says, “Gossip betrays confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.”
Healthy people go to counselling, too.
It’s a common belief that people only go to counselling when their marriage is hanging by a thread or when they blew up their life in self-destruction. I was very wrong! Counselling shouldn’t just be a last resort; it’s a great first option.
Even individuals who consider themselves “healthy” can benefit from counselling for several important reasons. Counselling offers a safe space where people can explore their thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in a non-judgmental environment.
Counselling can provide an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. It allows individuals to gain deeper insights into their own thoughts and behaviours, leading to a greater understanding of themselves.
“Nearly every person I’ve talked to who has been in or is in counselling says the same thing. “I wish I had gone sooner. If you have been putting this off, DON’T”.
A healthier me is an investment in a healthier us.
One person cannot will a healthy relationship into existence. A healthier me equates to a healthy us. A healthy us depends on both of us. However, one person deciding to get healthier has a monumental impact on a relationship.
“I always suggest one person in a couple go to counselling even if the other person refuses. Deciding to get healthier is a choice that always pays dividends, even if the relationship or friendship eventually ends.”
Connect before you correct.
I learned this one from my therapists at 1010 Ministries. Sadly, my previous approach to correcting tore down the connection. So, my counsellor recommended that my wife and I increase our connection before we try correcting.
Correction in the context of connection and commitment has the best chance of being received and producing the desired results.