Have you ever met someone who you first thought was a great person but after some time you realised that they weren’t a good person?
There are many people like that out in the world and sometimes it’s hard to spot the signs when you first meet them.
It’s a common experience: you meet someone new and they’re charming, funny and seem fantastic.
But over time, cracks begin to show, and you realise they might not be the person you initially thought they were.
Let me take you back the outrage that followed after the premiere of South Africa’s version of the dating reality show, “The Ultimatum”.
Khanya Nqolose, a figure quickly cast into the role of the villain, caused widespread uproar due to her controversial behaviour on camera.
Viewers were taken aback by Nqolose’s actions, which ranged from abusive behaviour to unfiltered swearing and the use of derogatory language directed at her fellow cast members.
Her on-screen demeanour has provoked a global reaction, with social media platforms flooded with comments expressing criticism and anger towards her.
In the wake of the backlash, Nqolose issued an apology for her actions, attributing her conduct to the high-stress environment of the show.
However, many viewers were unconvinced. A significant number of fans believed that what they witnessed on the Netflix show was not merely stress-induced but a reflection of her true character.
Although this story is not about Nqolose, it is an example of how first impressions can be deceiving and might hide deeper, more troubling traits. It’s important to recognise warning signs before getting too involved with someone.
Recently, “The Expert Editor” released an interesting article. It breaks down six signs that someone might not be a good person, based on psychology.
Excessive narcissism
While confidence is attractive, narcissism is problematic. Narcissistic individuals often prioritise their needs over others, leading to imbalanced relationships.
“The Journal of Clinical Psychology” notes that narcissistic traits often cause relationships to deteriorate due to a lack of mutual respect and empathy.
Lack of accountability
People who lack accountability often go to great lengths to portray themselves as perfect, insisting their problems are caused by external factors.
When a person messes up, they always blame someone else or make excuses. This is a major sign they can't take responsibility for their actions.
Selfishness
Being selfish can sometimes be good. After all, everyone needs to think about themselves occasionally.
However, when someone is always selfish and never considers others, they might not be the best person.
According to psychology, selfish people often hurt or exploit others to make their lives easier. If someone’s kindness has a price or they don't care how their actions affect others, psychology says these are not good people.
Frequent manipulation
Manipulative individuals are skilled at influencing others for personal gain, often subtly. According to existing research people who exhibit manipulative behaviours often possess a trait called Machiavellianism.
These behaviours can range from guilt-tripping to more elaborate schemes, primarily aimed at controlling others for selfish reasons.
Troubled relationship history
A person’s relational patterns often mirror their inner character. If someone has a history of volatile or short-lived relationships, it may indicate underlying issues.
According to the “American Sociological Review”, people tend to reproduce their relational patterns, reflecting their personal traits and emotional health.
Controlling behaviour
Controlling behaviour might not always be physical abuse, but it can involve criticising someone publicly, breaking down their confidence, or embarrassing and intimidating them. Knowing these signs can help you recognise when to seek help.
Recognising the signs of a not-so-good person – such as pathological lying, manipulation, lack of empathy, unreliability, troubled relational history, and narcissism – can help you maintain healthier relationships.
Staying vigilant and trusting your instincts are key to discerning someone’s true character, and ensuring that your relationships are built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect.