Love is in the air this Valentine's Day. Amidst all the hearts and flowers, it's clear just how important relationships are for our happiness and well-being.
But not all relationships are sunshine and roses. Some can be harmful to our health and well-being, and it’s crucial to be able to recognise the warning signs.
So what are these warning signs and how can we spot them?
Dr Chido Siame, who leads clinical care at Kena Health, shared some insights on the matter.
“Romantic or sexual relationships have a big effect on our mental, sexual and reproductive health,” she says.
"On our Kena Health app, we see many people seeking online counselling for relationship-related mental stress, as well as medical advice, treatment for STIs and contraception."
Whether your relationship is long-standing or new, here are some red flags to look out for:
Your partner is not willing to talk about and practise safe sex
We’ll be frank: if your partner seems angry or resistant to using condoms, despite your conversation, consider this a red flag.
Making sure to have safe sex is crucial, especially in a country where the rates of HIV and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are among the highest in the world. We need to talk openly about safe sex, understand the risks, and learn how to protect ourselves from them.
Using condoms is still one of the most effective ways to prevent STIs. Plus, there are great vaccines available for Hepatitis B and HPV, which are two common infections that can be spread through sex.
And let's not forget about birth control, which is important for preventing unplanned pregnancies that can cause emotional and financial stress.
Siame shared: “We're on a mission to reduce the stigma around STIs and safe sex. On our app, we offer a private and affordable way for people to get advice and prescriptions for STIs and birth control when they need it.
“Prevention is always better than cure—it's more true now than ever.”
Your partner abuses you emotionally
In movies and TV shows, abusive relationships are typically characterised by physical violence or other blatant acts of aggression, like screaming or hurling insults. But emotional abuse can be subtle yet devastating.
While there’s no hard and fast definition of what qualifies as emotional abuse, examples could include your partner insulting your appearance, behaviour or intelligence.
Another abusive tactic is excessive possessiveness and isolating you from others. This could discourage you from spending time with or talking to friends and loved ones.
Another mark of emotional abuse is controlling behaviour. This means the abuser tries to control your decisions regarding finances, the way you dress, how you spend your time, what work you do and so on.
Controlling behaviour could also manifest as pressurising you or intimidating you into doing things that you don’t want to.
Physical abuse and violent outbursts
Recognising anger and violence directed towards others, animals, or objects can be an early warning sign of potential danger. Unfortunately, South Africa has one of the highest rates of gender-based violence and femicide in the world, making it crucial for us to address these warning signs.
Siame explained: “Our therapists regularly support people dealing with abusive relationships, and we must always remember that abuse isn’t just physical—it can be emotional too. Both are not okay.
“Our therapists have the tools to help patients work through these issues, providing counselling and practical support as needed.”
People need to know that help is available to address these serious issues.
Substance abuse
All kinds of substance abuse can impact a relationship and may even lead to abuse in one form or another. Binge drinking can be a warning that your partner has substance abuse issues.
If you're in a relationship with an addict or contemplating one, you need to be sure that he or she is committed to a recovery programme - and that you are committed to supporting their journey, Siame advised.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a serious manipulation tactic and a major warning sign in any relationship. It's a sneaky form of emotional abuse where the other person makes you doubt your own thoughts and feelings.
People who experience gaslighting often feel guilty, even when they haven't done anything wrong, and that's a big red flag in any relationship.
She pointed out, that this list doesn't cover everything, but it does highlight some common things to be cautious of. Ultimately, the true test is how the relationship makes you feel. If you feel happy and positive, that's a good sign.
But if you're filled with dread and constantly questioning things, it might be time to really think about the relationship and get some help. People need to recognise these warning signs and seek support if they need it.