By Sharon Gordon
Johannesburg - I’ve been watching the follow up to Sex and the City – ‘And just like that…’ I was reluctant at first because how can one recreate a show that was so good it identified the troubles of being a woman in the city.
They are all in their 50s now and guess what? We have all aged and once again they get the troubles we face at this stage of our life, death, dating, troubled marriage and finding ways to keep our sex life alive.
I asked all my connections what their best advice is to spice things up in the bedroom.
Here it is:
Have sex!
This is so obvious and yet we forget that to have a sex life – sex has to happen. This is where it gets tricky. We don’t have sex because we don’t feel like it or we’re to busy or stressed. But as they say in the classics – force yourself. It’s a game changer.
Have a medical – and I mean a full medical
Check your heart and your hormones. If your penis is reluctant, it could be a sign of an underlying medical condition. Once you’ve established the base line you can take it from there.
Communicate- open an honest dialogue with your partner
It needs to be safe with no confrontation. Don’t do it while you’re in bed or when you are both agitated. Maybe try over dinner. Plan a way forward.
Figure out what your body enjoys right now
This will require self-exploration, for want of a better word – masturbate. It’s the safest and sexiest way to explore.
Once you know what you like and what pleasures you – teach your partner
Slowly. Your partner may be just as insecure as you are. Imagine if suddenly you are told that everything you do in bed is not quite right.
Listen and ask
Sex is a team sport. I recently read a book called ‘Relentless’ by Tim S. Grover. He is a coach to basketball stars. He has three rules:
Turn up
Do the work
Listen
I think this is valuable information in almost any situation. Turning up is hard – see number 1. I exercise three times a week and getting up and going to the gym requires discipline. It’s the same discipline we need to apply to our relationships and sex life.
Do the work
See tip 4 above. Make the time, I know you’re busy, but this is important to your relationship and your sexual health. Finally listen. Listen to your body and most importantly to what your partner is really saying. Try to ignore the noises in your head.
Get a good lubricant
As we get older nothing works like it used to and a good lubricant is like liquid gold. It changes the game. You can use it in all sorts of places.
Naturally here at Lola Montez we suggest purchasing a sex toy. When we were kids, we had a variety of toys. They were for playing with. We played by ourselves and with our friends. We had a variety of toys. I personally had at least 4 dolls.
Now that we are old and grey (okay maybe not you) – but certainly older, why have we stopped playing? They are called sex toys or adult toys for a reason. They are for playing. You really shouldn’t take this piece of plastic that vibrates very seriously. In my family (3 sons) they are considered a great wing man.
Try something new
Go away for an afternoon if you cannot afford a weekend. Shake it up. Go for a walk, hold hands, play Marco Polo. Have sex in the kitchen. Just do something that you’ve never done before or something you haven’t done in years.
Last but not least and probably that hardest of all – feel good about yourself
If there is something that really bugs you – try to change it but if you can’t learn to live with it and find a way to love it. The minute you do life gets a whole lot easier. And just like that – you’re a whole lot sexier!
Don’t forget to comment, share like and let me know your tips for spicing up your sex life – write to me at sharon@lolamontez.co.za