By Sharon Gordon
Johannesburg - I honestly didn’t know that there were so many body parts that have to be perfect to be loved!
Let me name a few.
I’ve had to angst about my weight, my height, my feet, my crooked teeth. Are my hands soft enough, my nails manicured, and my elbows exfoliated. Do my shoulder blades show off the correct amount of angle?
Then we move onto hair. Is it too long, too straight, too thin, too short. Being a ginger has had its challenges. Do I look too much like a man, too feminine to be a boss and that’s just the hair on my head.
Now let’s talk about eyebrows. Mine are unkempt, tidy them up. They’re too blond, darken them. Over plucked, tattoo them back. Moving onto my bikini line.
Too bushy, too bare, the landing strip needs mowing. Under arms? Wax or shave? I’ve even been shamed for having brown stains in my armpits. Apparently using a certain soap will wash the shame of it away.
And how about smells? Heard any fishy jokes recently?
Jibes about bleeding every month and not dying?
How about fanny farts? Ever wanted the earth to swallow you up because your body made an uncontrolled sound. How about actual farts?
My tummy is too flabby, my arse too big! Oh I forgot that was the problem 10 years ago. Now my arse is too flat, and I apparently need more junk in my trunk. Will the body shaming ever end?
And my breasts – oh my wonderful breasts. They’ve never given me angst until now. Age is taking its toll and those perky brights are sagging to dims and shining at my belly button.
Where am I going with this, I hear your sigh?
Labia! I’m moving to my labia! Apparently, there is a huge movement towards shaming women and girls about the shape and size of their labia!
For those of you unacquainted with body parts, the labia form part of the external female genitals. The lips so to speak.
Every woman (and please keep your binary, non- binary identity to yourself for this one) has a Vulva. The Vulva is formed by 2 sets of labia – the inner and outer, the vagina entrance and the clitoris. If you’ve never seen yours, please acquaint yourself. They serve an important function. One for pleasure and the other to protect the vagina entrance.
School girls are discussing getting labia surgery because boys prefer ‘innies’ rather than ‘outies’.
Some boys and I have to think that only little boys could be this foolish, saying that they would never have sex with a woman who has an outie!
At this stage I’m on the floor with laughter. And then the penny drops. This is a real thing for some girls. They are now being shamed because their vulva is allegedly not pretty enough.
Of all the shaming and pleasure damaging body parts to criticize. Is our pleasure just so threatening that you have to tell us that the labia, which we have no control over, cannot shorten without extensive, very painful surgery that will damage nerve endings forever, is the defining factor to having sex with me?
How did this come to be?
I read an interesting article about the porn industry and about what and how body parts could be shown. Lovely juicy, luscious labia lips were banned. They could only shoot small tight innies, and so the judgment begins. A standard by which we all have to be measured.
Now I don’t know about you but I have never discussed the size of my labia with anyone.
I’ve never really had to think about it until now. My partner and I have been together for a hundred years and when I asked him if he thought my labia were offensive he laughed. His opinion is, that he is just lucky to be near them.
For those of you who are worried about your outie – don’t.
Some porn star will change perceptions eventually and if he fancies you, your labia will be very important but not because of their size.
I’m so tired of worrying about body parts and natural responses. I’m too dry, I’m too wet.
Why do we put up with it?
I’ve never heard a woman talk about a skew penis, or a mushroom shaped knob. I’ve never heard a woman shame a man’s nipples or his blubbery belly. He can go about ungroomed and unkept and we say – nothing! We do not want to tarnish his ego, because punishment in one way or the other will follow.
But I’m done.
I hear a body shaming conversation and believe me I’m asking to see abs, penis size and shape. That unibrow – get it plucked, back hair, waxed! Clean your bloody nails and brush your teeth. Have a decent hair cut and lose some bloody weight. When you are the perfect specimen – then you can try to open your mouth.
I’m sick and tired of the shaming. It’s the way we are ‘kept in our place’. Pleasure objects for everyone else except the one person who matters. Me.