By Sharon Gordon
Johannesburg - Try a surrender date.
I’ve been on a mini break with school friends. I hesitate to call them old friends because although we are no longer spring chickens, we don’t like to be considered old. We’ve known each other for over 40 years. We are all successful in our chosen fields, have very different personalities but remain steadfast in our friendship.
I am the only one that has been divorced – twice. The other two have stayed the course and there is something about their relationships that make me ever so slightly envious. I wonder how they managed, and I didn’t.
In today’s modern world, women do it all. From running successful businesses to raising kids to keeping perfect homes, women have a million things on their plates.
Whether you’re a true “type A,” or just a multitasker, it is likely that at times you can be a bit controlling. It comes with the territory — when you have to do it all, you learn how to be on top of everything and everyone.
One of my ex-husbands sent me a video recently, with a note that it made him think of me. It featured a lioness walking with the caption ‘you think she looks like a queen on the outside, but I can assure you, that on the inside, she’s the whole fucking kingdom!’
Running a tight ship makes you talented at your job and an awesome mom. It also means that you have a hard time letting go and being “in the moment.”
Some women are so uptight about relinquishing control that they even have trouble enjoying sex or time with their partner. They are driven by the need to direct every moment and make everything perfect.
In this scenario, date nights are not fun or relaxing, they become all about you making it to the dinner reservation on time and ordering the perfect entrée for yourself…and your partner.
Would you like to try something different and let go of the pressure of holding it all together and being in charge all the time? If so, keep reading.
There is a way to stop this controlling date-night behavior in its tracks — through a “surrender date.”
A surrender date requires that you give up control and sit back and relax. I can feel my anxiety levels rising just thinking about it.
How it works
Your partner agrees to do all the planning, and you agree to go along for the ride.
This helps you let go and relax, and it helps him to stand up and assert some authority in a safe, sexy way. But for it to work, each of you really has to hold up your end of the bargain.
First and perhaps most important, the surrender-date planner does everything from start to finish. It goes something like this:
He picks out your clothes and jewelry (and even your underwear!).
He decides when and where you’re going.
He takes charge of all the logistics, such as transportation and money. This includes allowing him to choose the route you drive!
The first time you go on a surrender date, it may feel a little too scary to give up all that control — but that’s the point!
A surrender date isn’t just some kitschy idea that you’ll be bored with in five minutes.
It really shakes up your routine and your relationship. A little bit of pressure helps to inspire creativity in your partner and a stronger sense of trust in you.
As for what to do, the options are endless.
Your partner may choose to relive a past date or try a new adventure. He can challenge you to try something new, like taking tennis or dance lessons together, or he may seek out comedy clubs or blues joints that you might not have considered before.
The more adventurous your dating life, the more excited and intimate you will be as a couple. In addition, giving up control can be incredibly exhilarating, which is something that few women think about.
Putting time worn activities and roles to rest is a good thing.
Surrender dates introduce new sensations and pleasures to your love life, which is a necessary part of keeping your spark alive.
Now all I have to do is learn to let go and allow it to happen. I’ll let you know how it goes.