By Sharon Gordon
Johannesburg - There is a series available called ‘Good Sex’. It’s like watching every column I’ve ever written. A ‘coach’ or therapist helps couples who are having trouble in the bedroom, identify the issues and find a way to better sex.
I’m constantly amazed that couples can be sexually involved for years but never discuss their needs and desires. We have sex with each other but are never really intimate with one another.
I think that couples should develop a sexual vocabulary and be able to say while making love -a little higher, a little to the right, touch me softer or harder- just as if someone were scratching their back – only nicer!
I often see couples that have been married for 10 years or longer with sexual problems that could have been sorted out with a simple discussion of likes and dislikes. If he likes sex in the morning but you hate it, talk about it and resolve the issue.
Come to a compromise that suits both of you. It is better to sort out the problem rather than you being resentful and upset. It just causes more sexual dissatisfaction. If you’re not getting pleasure out of sex, don’t “fake it”.
That is a trap that many women fall into. He then thinks he is a great lover meanwhile you are frustrated and angry. Men and women are different when it comes to orgasm with him taking 3-5 minutes whilst you need an average of 15-30 minutes to reach a climax. It’s a design fault!
But now you begin to see the need for foreplay. We have some wonderful foreplay products to ensure that you catch up and he has fun! If you can’t think of anything to use or do pop into our Hyde Park Store (inside Health Works) and try our massage oils, books or VCR’s (Vibrating Cock Rings).
Approach the topic gently and tell him that you would prefer longer foreplay and that you need direct clitoral stimulation (oral, manual or vibration) to reach orgasm. Remember the clitoris is not inside, its on top! So chances are penetration doesn’t do it for you alone.
Only 20% of women can orgasm from penetrative sex alone. A bit of genital touching and a drop of lubricant goes a long way. Set up a time for sexual review when you are both calm and not naked!