Instead of being labelled the “a**hole” or found to be justified in his action, this Reddit user has been responsible for the starting plot of a Christmas Hallmark movie through his treatment of his girlfriend who he referred to as “Mandy”.
His post also ignited debate on whether non-Christians celebrate Christmas.
The couple, says Reddit user ‘throwaway2266788’, has been together for a “few months now” and Mandy recently moved in to his home.
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A few days ago, however, he had to travel out of town for work, and on his return was met with the unpleasant sight of Christmas in his home.
“The minute I walked in I was shocked to see that she decorated almost the entire house for Christmas. There was bright and colourful stuff hung everywhere.
“She put little deer models on every shelf, little pine trees, and gnomes on every window. Wrapped up the curtains with bows, put Christmas mats in front of every door, gingerbread signs on the walls and doors, Santa Clause themed cups, plates and even pillows, containers stuffed with cookies and candy canes.
“It's just...it felt so nauseating to put it civilly. I called her and had her get off work and come home immediately.”
When he confronted his girlfriend about her decorations, she responded by saying that it was supposed to be a surprise for him, and that she thought he would have liked it.
“I said ‘no because, for one, I'm an atheist, I don't celebrate this holiday...or any other holiday for that matter, but Christmas in particular makes me anxious and gives me depression’.”
He also told her that he had not given his consent for her to turn their home “upside down like that”.
“She had a breakdown, began crying, saying she put so much money and effort into decorating the place and said that lots of non-religious people celebrate Christmas as ‘one of the country's largest holidays’.
“She said that even if I don't approve of it, she does, and since she lives here and helps pay rent then she gets a say.
“I said ‘WRONG’ because it's my place, my house, and she only moved in a couple of months ago.”
The disagreement escalated into a “huge – probably the biggest so far”, argument between the couple, and she went to stay with her friends. At the time of posting his story, she had yet to return or respond to his calls, he said.
And this is where Redditors completely took the man’s “Am I The A**hole” question to new levels.
The responses covered a few issues, such as whether Christmas was really a holiday only celebrated by Christians, whether he was using his girlfriend to help him pay rent, and also whether his girlfriend would, as a result of this fallout, find her dream man elsewhere.
“It seems like the intro to a Hallmark movie,” wrote user Neda07.
“A girlfriend’s Christmas spirit is not appreciated by her Grinch SO, and she eventually ends up in love with some firefighter/cop/lumberjack who appreciates her and shows her the true magic of Christmas.”
This ignited a huge response from wannabe writers and hopeless romantics. In fact, some of them wanted to start casting actors, with Zooey Deschanel being an option to play Mandy.
“It's the mall Santa,” wrote ‘myfeesh’.
“She takes a nephew in for a photo and he insists she make a Christmas wish.”
User ‘monkeywithtwo spoons’ then chimed in: “The mall Santa is actually real Santa disguised as a mall Santa. He sees the wish, it says ‘I wish I wasn’t lonely this Christmas’ and he sends his elves out to find her the perfect dude... causing all sorts of Christmas chaos and hilarities to ensue.”
‘IDunno_5’ then adds: “I LOVE it!! I WANT it! I can see it before my eyes! She's walking in the park with her dog and then there's this super good looking, smart, funny guy, and the Christmas elves make her stumble right into his arms and then they laugh awkwardly and both are super shy haha.”
Another such comment was from user ‘YouMoonWife’: “As a romance writer, I vote coffee shop owner for this one. She finds the most heavily decorated cafe and the owner wishes everyone happy holidays no matter who they are and even makes hot chocolate cream art for kids in the shape of a reindeer. He even has a daughter (and a mother who loved Christmas but is tragically dead) who immediately loves Mandy . She gets a job there and starts spending a ton of time there because her boyfriend rips all the Christmas stuff off of the walls and kicks her out and she just misses the magic of Christmas from her home town. Cafe guy offers to let her spend Christmas with him while jerk BF goes to his office job because ‘it’s just any other day’ and they kiss under the missile toe accidentally. It ends with shenanigans.
“There. Hallmark movie.”
Christianity vs Christmas
The comments on the movie just keep rolling, but issues also discussed included whether non-Christians celebrate Christmas.
“Ugh I hate the movie and it doesn't even exist. As a pagan, who celebrates Christmas every year because it makes my family happy, I absolutely despise those movies haha. Still, will sit through and do all the Xmassy stuff because my loved ones being happy is more important to me than celebrating this time of year how I want to lol,” wrote user ‘Its_Actually_Satan’.
The debate then turned to the point of Christmas initially being a Pagan holiday.
‘CeelaChathArrna’ wrote: “I think it's pretty much to the point that there is a way for everyone to enjoy it. And if we are going to talk about the original meaning, we ought to talk about how Christianity hijacked Yule anyway. And I agree, he sounds like a bag of wet socks pulled out of horse manure levels of fun in general.”
Another comment among the hundreds was this one from ‘Actual_Amphibian1847’: “Christmas wasn’t even originally a Christian holiday, and can mean anything to anyone that they want it to. Nothing wrong with it being a winter holiday to keep friends and family close. Note that a manger scene or any other Christian religious iconography is conspicuously absent from his description of the decorations. No angels, donkeys, or even stars mentioned.”
KittyandPuppyMama agreed: “Plenty of non-Christians celebrate Christmas too. Even I’m non-Christian. In countries like Japan it is a huge holiday. Not a whole lot of religious meaning behind reindeer and gnomes lol.”
‘DancerSerene added: “I know that some Jewish/Atheist/Non-Christians don't see the holiday as being detached from Christianity. But I think that if that was his real issue he could have had a conversation with her instead of being an ass and blowing up on her like this.”
Relationship red flags
The comments also moved on to discussing the couple’s relationship.
“IMO (in my opinion), the worst part of this was that she was probably so excited for their first holidays together, but instead of calmly explaining his beliefs he berated her about ‘his’ house. Big ole red flag,” said ‘Pemmmyyy’.
Echoing this, ‘listingpalmtree’ wrote: “I think the worst part is he called her at work and got her to come home immediately to yell at her. Who the f*** gets people to leave work for anything other than an emergency?”
Expert advice
In an article on psychologytoday.com, author and career and personal coach, Marty Nemko Ph.D, wrote that December, due to Christmas traditions, can make an agnostic or atheist feel like an outsider, something many of them may actually prefer. However, for such people who want to feel included, and to experience Christmas’s benefits without having to feign allegiance to Christianity, he offers his thoughts:
- Respect the religious
Louai Bilal, psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente, believes that most religious people harbour doubts about a deity's existence. They merely take solace in that possibility and act as though God did exist—aspiring to the well-lived life that Christianity, indeed, all religions espouse. Aren’t such people worthy of your respect?
- Join in
Once you accept that respecting religious people does not violate your integrity, it’s easier to enter into Christmas activities without the antipathy experienced and even displayed by many atheists and agnostics.
“For example, you can enjoy Christmas caroling. So what if you have to sing songs like ‘Oh Come All Ye Faithful?’ Not only are they fun to sing, you can stroll around the neighbourhood with friends, making them feel good that you’re part of the celebration.”
He adds: “I may be pushing it here, but if you attend Midnight Mass at a church known for doing it wonderfully, even a staunch atheist should be able to enjoy it. In a building of architectural wonder, you get to experience, with a community of connected people, some of the most exalted music. People’s religious faith has inspired the likes of Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus, Bach’s B Minor Mass, Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring, Amazing Grace, Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, and Mozart’s Requiem.
- Music
Of course, you needn’t go to church to experience Christmas music. Radio stations are replete with it, and it wouldn’t kill you to download an mp3 or buy a CD of great Christmas music.
- Lights
Many Christians go all out to decorate their homes, inside and out. There’s no arguing with the simple pleasure of looking at them.
- Materialism
These days, many people feel uncomfortable with materialism but around the holidays, even zealous environmentalists will likely give us a pass, especially if the gifts are locally produced, sustainable, organic, with a minimum carbon footprint
“Instead, consider giving one of these 23 gifts I touted a couple days ago to people you care about or for yourself.”
These include:
– Networking
The relentless stream of Christmas parties provides the year’s best networking opportunities. Just don’t be crass about it. For example, asking for a job or even a job lead puts too much pressure on the person, even if it weren’t the Christmas season. Ask for a job, you’ll get advice. Ask for advice, you may get a job.
– Remember Christmas’ secular side
There's more to Christmas's secular side than commercial excess. How about the value of being reminded of Christmas’s unarguable themes: peace, goodwill, and renewal?
– Secular spiritualism
It’s easier to be religious than not. That’s not just because religious people have more kindred spirits, it’s because religion cushions against life’s slings and arrows. You, the atheist or agnostic, may not be able to believe in a deity but may find inspiration in religion’s core principle: that humans should aspire to something larger than quotidian tasks. The Christmas season reminds us of that, Nemko says.
Find your perfect property to decorate for Christmas, or not, at IOL Property.
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