It is natural for a bride and groom, and especially the bride, to feel excited in the months leading up to the wedding, however, finding out that your partner is cheating on your wedding day is appalling enough to cancel the wedding, no matter how much effort went into the planning.
However, for *Omphile Setshedi, cancelling her wedding was not an option.
Setshedi had to deal with the embarrassment of finding out with the entire wedding guests that her husband was having an affair and he had spent the eve of their wedding with his lover.
The 45-year-old said the gloomy details of her wedding day unfolded in October 2007 in Mabopane, a township in the north of Pretoria.
“I was angry, I wanted to cancel the wedding but elders from our church said I should forgive him and forget the incident because this was the devil’s way of fighting my marriage and honestly, that’s what I also thought,” she said.
Setshedi, who is now divorced, said if she hadn’t married her cheating husband, she would have avoided trauma, financial loss, and heartache which she inherited from her unhappy marriage.
Going into detail about her failed marriage, Setshedi said she and her husband were born again Christians and she never anticipated that he would betray her the way he did.
She said at the time, she believed her marriage was from God because they dated when they were still teenagers and then broke up, but reconciled years later after he called her unexpectedly.
“He asked that we meet and when we met, he went straight to the point, he told me that God spoke to him about me, he said he had been having a lot of visions about me and saw us getting married. I was single and in my late 20’s, I was ready to start a family,” she said.
“I don’t believe in coincidence, because on top of what he had told me, a prophet who was a guest at our church, who didn’t even know us, prophesied that we are going to get married, for me that was huge because we had just reconciled and we were talking marriage.”
For Setshedi, she had all the confirmation she needed. Shortly after the prophecy, lobola was paid and they moved in together in her house and a date to celebrate their nuptials was set for the following year.
As much as everything seemed perfect, Setshedi said she clearly remembers that few months leading up the wedding, her ex-husband started being away more often than usual and she also had a weird feeling about his new pattern but she ignored it.
“He was unemployed and his business was still in its infancy stages, so every time he came back home late he would tell me he was meeting clients. Because I wanted to be supportive and understanding, I decided to let it go and focus on our big day.”
Setshedi said on the day of the wedding, everyone arrived at the venue on time except him.
“His phone was off and no one could get hold of him, his mom had last seen him the previous night when he left to spend the night at his cousin’s place, in fact, that was the plan because the cousin had to drive him to the venue, however, the cousin also didn’t know where he was because he never arrived to spend the night,” she said.
“We were all panicking, so for us to trace him, we called tracker because he was driving my car, the car was located in Soshanguve Block X,” Setshedi said.
“I immediately knew where he was because I know he had an ex-girlfriend in that area and we once had a big fight about her but he assured me that nothing was going on.”
Setshedi said in retrospect, she should have cancelled the wedding and saw the situation for what it was.
“Even after our wedding, he continued seeing her. I endured years of heartache in that marriage, he cheated with different women, there was always a woman in his life,” Setshedi said.
“I fought for that marriage, I took out loans to help him start his business so that he can see that I love him but it didn’t help, he continued with his life as if he was single man and even stopped going to church,” she said.
“One time he left me for almost a year after he found a girlfriend in Limpopo. I never knew happiness in that marriage, and to think he has no matric and was unemployed but I still chose to marry him, it really makes me angry.”
Setshedi said they were married in community of property but she managed to keep her house and pension fund after they divorced in 2016.
“He didn’t fight for anything because he said he was doing it for our children. But I believe he didn’t fight because he didn’t want to drag the divorce as he was in a hurry to get married, he didn’t waste time, he got married within three months after our divorce,” she said.
“I’m single, bruised and have trust issues, meanwhile, he’s married again and from what the children tell me, he lives in a very nice house and his business is doing extremely well, apparently he runs the business with his wife,” Setshedi said.
“To think I helped him build that business, it really makes me mad. I didn’t even get a cent from the business because during the divorce, it was not even registered under his name, he really played me.”
When asked if he supports the children, Setshedi said he only pays for their school fees and takes them during June school holidays.
“He might have been a terrible husband to me, but he’s still the father of my children. I don’t want to deny my children the joys of having a father.”
sinenhlanhla.masilela@iol.co.za
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