In modern-times, navigating the dating scene can feel like a minefield. If you’ve spent any time on X (formerly Twitter), you’ve probably seen Mzansi crying about how mjolo (dating) is the pits.
From ghosting to cheating scandals, relationships in this fast-paced world are filled with challenges. But while we often focus on the big, obvious signs that something’s wrong, sometimes it's the little things that give the most insight into the state of your relationship.
One area that can provide subtle clues? Your partner’s home. Yes, the things they choose to surround themselves with can reveal more than you'd think.
According to April Davis, founder and president of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, the items in your partner’s home can offer a peek into their mindset, emotional state and even how they may approach your relationship.
Here are some red flags you should look for to see what they could mean for your relationship.
1. Photos of an ex
We get it. Everyone has a past. But walking into your partner’s home and seeing framed photos of their ex still hanging on the wall?
That’s a record-scratch moment. While it's perfectly normal to have a few keepsakes from previous relationships, actively displaying these photos suggests they might not have fully moved on.
“If your partner hasn’t taken steps to remove images of their ex, it could signal unresolved feelings or emotional baggage,” says April. “They may be clinging to past memories, which means they’ll struggle to fully commit to their relationship with you.”
What to do: If you notice these kinds of mementoes, approach the topic gently. Instead of accusing them of still being hung up on someone else, try something like, "I noticed you still have pictures of your ex. Is that something you’ve thought about?"
Give them the space to explain their perspective without feeling attacked.
2. Extreme clutter
We all have moments when life gets chaotic, but if your partner’s home looks like it’s been hit by a tornado all the time, it might signal something deeper.
Piles of paperwork, random objects and general disarray can indicate that they’re struggling with emotional overwhelm or stress.
“Clutter doesn’t make or break a relationship, but it can signal that your partner is avoiding dealing with personal issues,” explains April.
“Neglecting their living space could be a reflection of how they might neglect other areas of their life, including your relationship.”
What to do: Instead of criticising, offer support. You can say, "I’ve noticed there’s been a lot going on around the house. Is there something I can help with?"
3. ‘Pick-up artist’ books
Finding a stash of books on “pick-up artist” techniques is a major red flag. These books often focus on manipulation and game-playing, promoting a shallow, detached approach to relationships.
If your partner is still engaging with this kind of content, it could reflect how they view relationships in general and that might not have changed, even with you in the picture.
April notes, “Your partner’s interest in these books could suggest they struggle with vulnerability, openness, or confidence. They may prefer to rely on scripted interactions rather than building a genuine, emotional connection.”
What to do: If you stumble upon these books, bring them up in a calm, non-judgmental way. You could say, "I saw these books and I’m curious, what do you think about them?"
This can help gauge if your partner’s mindset aligns with the kind of relationship you want.
4. Expired calendar
A calendar that hasn’t been updated in months or years might seem like a small detail, but it could symbolise their reluctance to plan for the future or difficulty managing time.
“An expired calendar may be a subtle sign of procrastination or even avoidance of upcoming responsibilities,” April says.
What to do: Approach the situation with curiosity rather than judgment. You might say, "I noticed the calendar hasn’t been updated in a while. Is there something you’re feeling uncertain about?"
This invites a conversation about any underlying fears.
5. A drawer full of takeout menus
We all love a good Uber Eats night, but if your partner’s drawer is stuffed with takeout menus and they never seem to cook for themselves, it could signal a lack of interest in basic domestic skills.
“While it’s not a deal-breaker on its own, constantly relying on takeout could point to a lack of concern for health or financial planning,” says April.
“It’s also worth considering whether this shows a disinterest in contributing to a shared domestic life, especially if your partner isn’t willing to help with household chores.”
What to do: Frame the discussion around health and shared interests: "I’ve noticed we’ve been ordering in a lot. How about we try cooking together sometime?"