It started with a Twitter post from a concerned single mom looking for advice after sharing a screenshot of a conversation with her baby daddy.
Award-winning journalist and YouTuber Mandy Ndlangisa, who goes by the name The Millennial Mom, wrote: “So I asked my baby daddy (who’s never been present physically or financially for 13 years) to help me out with school fees (I’ve never asked him for anything by the way) this is what he had to say.”
In the screenshot showing her chat with her daughter’s father, she included an account of R4 350 of the Curro school her child attends.
So I asked my baby daddy (who’s never been present physically or financially for 13 years) to help me out with school fees (I’ve never asked him for anything by the way) this is what he had to say 💔 pic.twitter.com/c4bbuUIss9
In a follow-up tweet, she added: “He obviously doesn’t acknowledge her coz for him to say that? He makes it seem like he’s doing me a favour. Like it’s not his child.”
The responses were swift and unforgiving, mostly from men.
No don't lie, it's because you want him pay an entire bill which could take everything he has and affect his ability to pay for his other children. He's simply asking you to confirm if you want him to spend everything he has and not have anything to pay for his other children.
— Ramoshaba Madiba (@RMadiba) January 31, 2022
He said he has no money. You can't just ambush him after 13 years and expect him to raise alot of cash at once
— Mikey Mars (@MikeyMars3) January 31, 2022
Take your kid(s) to a school you can afford as a single parent. #CurroSchoolFees pic.twitter.com/DdwQtKmbAm
#CurroSchoolFees deadbeats will even contribute R200…and parade the streets that they supporting their kids.
— Mbuso Nkabinde (@BasicBlac) January 31, 2022
Ndlangisa’s post gained so much attention, that #CurroSchoolFees had started trending as a result.
Single parents shared their own experiences, with moms commenting on their own frustrations on having to deal with absent fathers.
#CurroSchoolFees As a mom,enroll your kids in a skul that you can afford. Men will disappoint you after you've broken up, n the majority of them will forget about their children as well. U’ be surprised to know that they even look after the new gf's children instead of theirs
— 8͓̽.J͓̽u͓̽l͓̽y͓̽ (@iamxolilecndo) January 31, 2022
Some Twitter users who were the result of broken homes, relived their past traumas.
#CurroSchoolFees Child maintenance is such a triggering topic for me as a child who grew up being supported through the courts, I never understood why my dad was forced to love and care for me.
— Mmatheto ❣️ (@Mmatheto_km) January 31, 2022
The viral thread had many people triggered, resulting in other fathers defending the baby daddy’s actions. But while many absent dads maintain that they’re doing the best they can, the facts show otherwise.
While researching the effect of absent fathers on families and childcare responsibilities for her Master’s in Population Studies degree in 2019 at UKZN, Nokwanele Noxolo Mhlongo found that there was a remarkably high number of absent but living fathers in South Africa.
“Considering the socio-economic conditions of this country, there are certain factors that hinder paternal involvement. The youth unemployment rate is sitting at 55.2 percent resulting in the challenging environments South African men find themselves as fathers in.
“They try but sometimes fail to fill the perceived role of a father as a financial provider,” Mhlongo explained.
Her findings revealed that young fathers had negative experiences of fatherhood while growing up, as many of them had absent fathers.
In 2021, the Department of Social Development argued that factors contributing to weakened family life are absent fathers, HIV and Aids, high levels of poverty and inequality, gender inequalities, unwanted pregnancies, and high numbers of orphaned children.
Below are the latest stats, according to Old Mutual:
- 44% of the moms surveyed regard themselves as single parents.
- Nearly half of the women also said they are sole breadwinners and receive no financial assistance at all.
- 28% of the fathers of children who contribute financially – contribute regularly.
- 25% contribute but only now and then
- and a staggering 47% of fathers don’t contribute at all financially towards their children.
However, it’s not all bad news. Mhlongo found that young fathers want to be more involved, and better than their biological fathers.
“Promoting paternal involvement should focus on biological fathers as well as social fathers as they play an important role in the upbringing of children,” she noted.
She also highlighted the importance of cultural norms in maintaining family and society values but also suggested that given the current socio-economic conditions, “these beliefs should be accommodative of young, unmarried, non-resident and unemployed fathers.”