A Guide to Parenting
Published in 2003, ‘A Guide to Parenting’ is a Christian-centred book that discusses parenting styles, having “childwork” as its theme.
Family specialists Jeffrey and Pattiejean Brown briefly in chapter five of the book, explore the topic of discipline.
“Parents sometimes wonder how to show disapproval to their children”, they say, outlining three parenting styles.
1. Authoritarian
“This is when I am in charge and you have no say.”
Within this style of parenting, the book states, spanking is chosen by some and not by others. Further, a quote is referenced from “one wise counsellor” who said: “when the child can reason there must be a change of methods”. This means that an “adult-adult relationship” needs to be established.
According to the authors, disrespect is treating an elder person as though they were a child.
“To continue to treat your adolescent as if he were a child is tantamount to abuse.”
2. Permissive
Permissive, or laissez-faire, parenting is the approach that allows children to make their own decisions.
Relinquishing control, children have “unlimited time with the television, unrestricted use of the internet”, they may also choose to do their homework whenever they see fit, “if they want to”.
3. Authoritative
“Allow them to disagree with you, even, respectfully, to answer you back.”
Children need to have the liberty to express strong emotions, Dr James Dobson advises. “Even resentment and hostility should be encouraged if it exists.”
The book states that lost privileges is the way to go about disciplining adolescents as opposed to force as a tool.
“Discipline is about conflict prevention.”
The Browns say discipline as a means to “prevent an incident” from ensuing, not to “invent a punishment” as a result of it happening.
Human individuality: ‘no two people are alike’
It all comes down to three aspects: the make-up of humans. From here, the Browns imply, discipline becomes more effective.
- Character: “attributes or features that make up or distinguish the individual. Moral or ethical quality.”
- Personality: “the visible aspect of one’s character as it impresses others.”
- Temperament: “the unique constitution of an individual that permanently affects his or her manner of thinking, feeling, and acting.”
Children, too, are people. They have distinct personalities and are unique individuals. “You need to be aware of character, personality, and temperament”, the authors advise, for the appropriate way to respond to him or her, “for your child’s sake.”