ANOLENE THANGAVELU PILLAY
The greatest act of self-love is building the courage to walk away from toxic relationships.
Sometimes, when life hits you, you find that toxic relationships can be incredibly difficult and emotionally draining.
It could be a toxic friendship, relationship, marriage or family relationships.
Early signs of toxic behaviour occur through constant violence, criticism, manipulation, control, disrespect, or mental and physical abuse. Worldwide, the World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 1 in 3 women aged 15-49 are victims of relationship violence.
It is damaging to all genders, ages and backgrounds. The WHO notes that the effects of relationship violence on health give rise to anxiety, depression, illnesses with other health conditions and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Entering into relationships without first knowing and honouring your own worth results in toxicity. As children, we all learned to survive in the family in which we were born, and our nervous systems were wired accordingly. People often chase the love and security that once existed in their childhood homes. Often we hear love yourself before you love someone else.
Understanding yourself, finding yourself, and your purpose is an essential step in building healthy relationships with others. Life gets easier when you know when to change paths and leave, even if it is fundamentally different from how we were raised.
We live in an era in which relationships are viewed as ‘meaningless’. Marriage vows have evolved into a sentimental tradition. Today, the common contributors to toxic relationships are incompatible issues, too many conflicts, outside interference, and a lack of dedication.
If you are in a one-sided relationship, having similar arguments on a different day, attempting to prove your self-worth to someone is a sure sign that you have forgotten your worth. Walking away does not mean you are weak but powerful enough to let go. Every individual who figures their worth, who carries a suitcase of pride, has boarded a flight to freedom - choosing to let go. Let go of relationships that no longer serve you, grows you or appreciate you.
Your top priority should be your well-being. Recognise that you deserve to be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Great relationships fail because individuals struggle to respect the opinions and feelings of others. When your personal boundaries are disrespected, ignore the drama by stepping outside of it, especially when you are not treated with kindness, love and respect. If you do not stand firm in a toxic relationship, you easily get caught up in the affairs of others.
By connecting to your own path, you spend less time concerned about the affairs of others. The ability to walk away demonstrates you can say ‘no’ to a toxic relationship. You have found a clear and focused path to go forward. Focusing on your interests makes it easier to move away from verbal, emotional or physical relationship abuse. In addition, you have options to improve your life without them. Despite your strong feelings, the relationship is not a necessity for you. You do not need them.
Concentrate on building a solid foundation of self-love. The journey of self-love will empower you to heal the nervous system from existing trauma and stress. If you find your wishes, your happiness and your opinions pushed aside, you need to quit complaining about it and start living your life on your own terms. Distance yourself from destructive environments, protect your self-respect, your integrity, and regain control of your life. Time helps us realise that healing does not indicate the wound never existed, but we realise it no longer controls us.
We all make mistakes; it is how you learn and grow from these mistakes that counts. Self-reflection helps with personal growth and healthier lifestyle choices. When life kicks you around, you realise that investing in yourself is the best investment. You receive the most rewarding benefits. You notice the positive domino effect on your well-being, career possibilities, finances and happiness.
Numerous books, articles and online resources are available that provide insights to help you cope with a toxic relationship. Note, when leaving a toxic relationship, it is important to carefully prepare a safe exit plan instead of leaving on impulse or in the heat of an incident. You must be courageous and brave enough to find your voice. Address a toxic relationship in an honest and direct manner. Adopting the right mental attitude safely guides you through the storm.
Have faith that walking away allows new, dynamic people to enter your life, bringing high levels of positive energy. Use careful steps to free yourself from toxic patterns and develop healthier, more delightful relationships. The willingness to walk away from a toxic relationship means it is your strongest negotiating position because either way, you win.
Anolene Thangavelu Pillay is a Psychology Adviser.
Daily News