Durban — The term ‘nuclear family’ is a psychological term coined in the 1920s by Polish anthropologist Bronisław Malinowski and refers to the family being at the core/centre. This refers to a couple with their children.
In today’s society, more families are operated by single parents - which goes against this traditional model. It is therefore perceived that single parents are at fault and leave a stigma around them when it comes to dating and trying to fit the ‘nuclear family model.’
Cindy-Leigh Williams, 35, is a single mother of two boys - aged eight and 13 - and she shares her experiences of being a single parent. “I have been divorced for almost two years. Despite co-parenting and trying to be friends (with the father of my children), it has been a challenge. The dating scene is a lot different now, or maybe because I was in a 13-year relationship and married for 11 of those years, so it's a completely different ball game. Even the way people communicate now is an adjustment.”
Williams continues: “ It is a challenge because most people my age are married with families. Many younger guys that have shown interest in me have only wanted a physical relationship, especially those I met online. I would only introduce my kids (to my partner) when I know it's a serious relationship; and I don't want guys in and out of their lives.”
Ash-Leigh La Foy, 35, is a single mother to a 14-year-old girl. “The challenges faced - specifically in Durban - are that there are gender wars going on where men and women do not want to take responsibility for their own healing. So instead, there are just a bunch of hurt people, hurting people. Also, the dating (ab)norms of deceit, dishonesty and cheating seem to be something people accept in our country. It is so sad. Hence we South African women end up wanting to date outside of our country. I have introduced four of the people I dated to my child. I have since learnt not to do that again because they get emotionally attached, and then the break up is actually like a double break up.”
La Foy also mentions how she prefers to meet people in real life instead of using apps. “I tried apps and found them ridiculous. Besides, I am an energy person. So things like apps do not work for me because a picture is flat and devoid of any real sense of the person.”
Hameeda Bassa-Suleman, 33, has a Master’s in Clinical Psychology and has been practising clinical psychology for 10 years.
Bassa-Suleman said the main concern with this is two-fold: Firstly, there may be the added responsibility that comes with dealing with children and learning parenting skills and accommodating a child into your day-to-day - which can be daunting if one partner does not have children and will need to learn this.
Secondly, Bassa-Suleman said, a person might be hesitant as dating someone with a child also involves dealing with the parent of the child and, depending on the circumstances of separation, this can be challenging.
Bassa-Suleman said this is why it is important in every family, regarding the dynamics, to treat each other with respect, dignity and consideration. She said this is in the best interest of every member of the family.
She continues: “As society changes, so do the dynamics of families. A lot of children are being raised in single-parent households, blended families or grandparent-headed homes. The concept of the nuclear family is not as common as it used to be. In my private practice, I always ask questions about the home and the dynamics of the immediate family, as this is a good starting point to treat the presenting problem. A non-nuclear family is the new normal in today's times.”
Daily News